mar 11: love boat guest stars appreciation week
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heather Back when I worked at the State and Orpheum Theatres I had to go set up and run an offsite promo ticket sale for Grease. It was at Planet Hollywood at the Mall of America. Completely lame. I had to go and set up a little booth and smile and sell tickets to the outer ring suburban women who figured that since Grease was on the stage it must be some sort of high art. They could chat about their theatrical undertakings while picking chicken wing detritus out of their teeth.

I hated them? Yeah, I hated them.

Anyhow, this was after Livent went belly up and they had to sell off all their shows. Livent always put on the really good, high quality shows. I mean Grease may have been lame but you could count on them to spend a lot of money on the production so it would look slick. Troika was a third rate, hack job production company that bought the rights to the show and promptly screwed it tightly into the ground. I didn't see the show, but by all accounts it looked just like a high school production complete with poster paint and set pieces that fell over.

Back at the Mall of America, I am pissily trying to get this shit set up so I can smile pretty and sell tickets and make people believe that the best thing in the world is to go see this crap. On my way up I had to walk by Charo and Erik Estrada, the special guests for the day. Good dear god, Erik looked like a banana fruit roll-up and Charo had managed to pull off some sort of alien technology type face lift, but the edges were starting to peel away or something.

Now I appreciate former Love Boat guest stars as much as the next person, but when they introduced me and she tickled my shoulders chiming, "cootchie cootchie" I could have freaked right there. I met a bunch of semi-famous people in my years at those theatres, but Charo and Erik were the worst.

jay

jay: may i interview you.
natalie: for?
jay: for an entry.
jay: word association. ready?
natalie: ha.
jay: annette funicello.
natalie: beach blanket bingo
jay: charo
natalie: hahaha
natalie: raaarow
natalie: cat sound.
jay: haha.
jay: tom bosley
natalie: :-\
natalie: __
jay: andy warhol.
natalie: campbells
jay: cesar romero
natalie: drakkar noir
jay: julie newmar
natalie: raaawor
jay: tori spelling
natalie: BLICK
jay: carol channing.
natalie: haha. cute lamb!
jay: delta burke
natalie: oof. designing women.
jay: the harlem globetrotters
natalie: dooo, doo de doo, de doo do de dooo
jay: kirstie alley
natalie: mole.
natalie: that and, eyebrows.
jay: betty white
natalie: rose.
jay: melissa gilbert
natalie: potty mouth
jay: hahaha.
jay: what?
natalie: i met her once
natalie: she had a potty mouth
natalie: like a truck driver.
jay: hahahaha.
jay: tom hanks
natalie: big
natalie: sure.
jay: kathy bates
natalie: boobs
jay: what?
jay: kathy bates.
natalie: did you see about schmidt?
natalie: isnt' that kathy bates?
jay: yeah. didn't see it.
natalie: ok then. boobs.
jay: the gabor sisters
natalie: ha.
natalie: green acres.
jay: ricky martin
natalie: bon bon shaker
jay: ethel merman
natalie: loud
jay: dick van patten
natalie: huh
jay: dr ruth westheimer
jay: hello?
natalie: oh.
natalie: hahaha.
natalie: doctor rrrrrrrrrrrruth!
jay: adam west
jay: (we're almost done.)
natalie: poodle.
jay: what?
natalie: he has a poodle.
jay: how do you know that?
natalie: or he did.
natalie: i dunno.
jay: ha.
natalie: i was reading about what's his names dogs
natalie: robin has a whole rescue dog farm
jay: hahaha. shut up.
jay: next person: dana plato.
natalie: um, different strokes.
jay: don knotts
natalie: sleazy.
jay: you think?
natalie: yah.
jay: interesting.
natalie: looking up chrissy's skirt and shit.
jay: rad.
jay: ok. so what do all of these people have in common?
natalie: they were on tv in the 80s?
jay: there's a common thread.
natalie: i dunno jason.
natalie: they're all kinda icky.
jay: hahaha.
jay: does the 'pacific princess' mean anything to you?
natalie: no
jay: hm. what about captain steubing?
natalie: ohhh
natalie: they were all on the love boat?
jay: yes!
natalie: charo i knew.
natalie: ha.
natalie: really.
jay: they were all guest stars on the love boat.
natalie: adam west.
jay: yes.
natalie: huh.
jay: totally.
natalie: http://www.imdb.com/Bio?Ward,%20Burt
jay: haha.
jay: http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/CastGuide/showid-517/
jay: ok, so what i need to know now is do you appreciate them as love boat guest stars?
natalie: that was a funny game.
natalie: hm.
natalie: charo definitely
natalie: the gabors, of course.
jay: ok, you can't pick and choose.
natalie: dunno about the rest.
jay: y or n.
jay: across the board.
natalie: why are we playing this game??
jay: i'm posting for love boat guest stars appreciation week!
natalie: i wonder if kathy bates got with issac on the love boat.
natalie: or maybe the doc
natalie: he always got so much play
jay: doc totally got a lot of play.
jay: like more than anyone.
jay: he fell in love every episode.
natalie: yah.
natalie: poor julie.
jay: sigh.
natalie: i remember when she met that great guy
natalie: in alaska
natalie: that was so sad.
natalie: she wore a yellow slicker.
natalie: i think he was on one show
natalie: and asked him to marry her
natalie: and she said no
natalie: but then she decided yes
natalie: so they went up there
natalie: and it turned out he got married to someone else.
natalie: in the 80s it was definitely true that if you snoozed, you lost
jay: hahahaha.
natalie: if someone loved you and wanted to marry you
natalie: it didn't mean you were IT
natalie: it just meant you were convenient.
jay: ohmygod that is freaking tragic.
natalie: yes.
natalie: now i must pee.
natalie: brb.



jenni The Love Boat was swingin', but it wasn't so politically correct. That's OK, because it was before that time, and it made predicting the outcome easier. You knew the second a sexy young black woman crossed the gangway and was greeted by Julie McCoy, your cruise director, that Isaac the bartender was gonna get some. You could almost see him winking and pointing both fingers at you in an 'awwyeah' sort of way as the porn soundtrack kicked in. And you know what? If anyone on the ship deserved to get some, it was Isaac. He was the man.

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